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You know what it is like. You have been there.

An argument wherein neither party is willing to budge. Each one deeply invested in winning instead of in resolving, learning, moving on. And if there is a martyr/victim present you can just throw in the towel from the get go.

We are told to mind our words and to turn our brains on before blurting out crap. The thing is though, that most problems, in my opinion, arise not necessarily over what is being said, rather to whom and how it is being said.

The sounding board is actually the person you are going to be speaking to; narcissistic, shy, arrogant, gullible?

I am a firm believer in examples. Concrete facts to illustrate a point. I am also for using third person or hypothetical talk as opposed to saying you did this and said that which immediately puts the individual in defense mode as a response to your attack mode.

We spend so much time in a state of hate, resentment, victim hood and righteousness and in the end what does it get us? An arrogant and false sense of winning and entitlement.

Wouldn't it be better to make statements that are truths and then buckle up for a bumpy but fruitful and honest ride. Only this way with a dash of empathy, introspection and open mindedness can we get to someplace close to acceptance and learning.

Even if it means removing a "toxic" individual from our lives, if done through honest analysis it becomes a positive instead of a negative and won't fuel and choke us with cruelty, hate and resentment for years to come.

Photo by Jimmy Chan

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